| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2006|09:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | in bed | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the hot lies | ] |
why is is that everyone is changing and becoming really pretty but i still stay the same?
all the girls at school are absolutely gorgeous and then theres me. plain ordinary me. i get ignored by everyone. i like being ignored sometimes but not all the time. i used to think i was pretty until i started to become ugly and everyone else became pretty. why are they so pretty? what happened to me? whats wrong with me? its like i'm surrounded by this big black cloud, seperated from the world. Like i live in a bubble where i can see out but no one can see in.
man i wish i was beautiful.
i have bad skin and i'm fat...u can't really get much worse then that.
does everyone else no the secret to beauty but i havn't been told? it seems like as people are getting older they're getting heaps prettier, but me i just seem to be getting uglier.
and for all those people out there who tell me that i am pretty..come on drop the act...we both know ur only saying it to be nice.
i wish i was someone else. someone prettier, smarter, nicer, friendlier, more passionate. someone thinner, better at sports, popular, less lazy. i wish i was someone else.
i feel i don't have a purpose on this earth. why am i here? i'd much rather leave. i think about ending it every night but then i think just one more day..things might improve. but they never do. from one day to the next, everything seems to be the same. i'm still ugly, i'm still fat and i still do shit at school. i think its gonna be like that forever.
xXx |
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| Update |
[Jun. 19th, 2006|12:08 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | in bed | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  relaxed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ANGELA'S DISH | ] |
hey hey my fellow peeps,
Havn't updated for a while so i thought i'd have a little update. Well where should i start. I'll start with my love life, good ol' pete. I've been out with him a few times now. The most recent time i went over to his house cos his parents were out. We started off downstairs watching TV then went up to his room so i could play the xBox (he was surprised that a chick actually liked playing the xbox, he sed to me that i'm the first girl he knew that was interested in video games etc.)Then we were just laying on his bed and i was so tired i almost fell asleep. He was stroking my back and cuddling me. Then he was like come on lets go get something to eat and i was like ok. So we went do maccas at warners bay then stopped by the lake so we could eat. After we'd finished eating, he leant over and kissed me. Its really good cos he has a tongue ring...it feels so good...anyway we were just kissing for a while the he started kissing my neck and chest. The before i knew it he was undoing my pants with one hand..which i quite admired becuase theyre really hard to undo with 2 hands let alone one....anyway he got them undone...ill leave the rest up 2 u, i don't wanna go into to much detail....but let me tell u it felt really good.
So that was a week and a bit ago. I havn't talked to him since.
I'm gonna be lost when he moves to Melbourne...i don't know how i'll get through without him...i already hav this song that is so gonna make me cry wen he leaves..its called Remember You by Angela's Dish and its about someone leaving but saying that u'll remember them even though they won't be with you....its rather sweet...
U kno i went through a stage where i thought i loved him but i realise i don't now cos i have feelings for this other guy that works at Jay Jays called Jackson...he's majorly hot and wears really hot clothes...
What else has happened...hmm....theres heaps that has happened but i can't be bothered to write it all cos its not that important or interesting...pete was the main issue that i wanted to talk about...i'm in bed at the moment with my sis's laptop..they are marvel creations...i can be in bed and on the net without anyone knowing...its v.good
anyway i might actually go to sleep cos i'm getting a bit drowsy looking at this screen all the time...if i think of anything else i shall update 2moro or something....oh i got a job (well actually i got 2) but thats not very important or interesting...although my ipods fucked up that big news because if u know me, u'll know how much i rely on music and my ipod....oooh actually good news that i have..i finally got a drum kit so thats tres cool...
anyway i am going to leave now before i think of something else random to write
xXx mon bon |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 29th, 2006|07:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my study | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Flaunt It-TV ROCK | ] |
well well well i went out with pete the other night...YAY..it was really good. He i genuinely sorry i think. We started out at maccas then went to bar beach, went for a walk and got wet so he had to take his shirt off :P then we ended up at redhead beach in his car with him stroking my hair :) then that night we talked on the phone for 1 and a bit hours about very nice stuff involving him and me, together..its a shame he's moving to melbourne :( i'll hardly ever see him. He rekons that theyre would be more chance of us actually getting together if he wasn't leaving...but he's not leaving for about 6-8 weeks so thats ok i suppose.
in other news i only have 2 days left of holidays :( NOOOOOO DON'T GO...i love holidays, theres not enough of them...its also worse because i have 2 assignments due in the first week back which i havn't even started yet. i just can't get motivated i always say to myself yeah i'm gonna do it, but then i go nah i'll do it later..so it never gets done until like the night before.
anyway dinner has arrived..it pizza...i don't really like pizza but i'm very hungry so i might eat some :) |
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| Holidays are GOOD |
[Apr. 15th, 2006|08:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home Sweet Home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  full | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Going Nowhere-CUT COPY | ] |
I didn't end up ringing pete to find out the truth...well i did but he wasn't home, then i rang again and he still wasn't home so i was like stuff it i can't be bothered. I've decided that i'll let him come to me. If he's sorry and means it, he'll be trying to make things right again. And if he's a jerk, like i think he is, then he won't ring back and my decision is made for me. Obviously if he doesn't apologise then he's not worth the trouble of trying to make everything better again.
I'm really bored and feel sick because i've eaten lots of chocolate...oh by the way HAPPY EASTER hope all u kiddies get fat :P lol not really, stay beautiful.
I went over to Michael's today. We didn't do much, walked to the Junction and got some lunch then went to Bar Beach. That was nice, windy, but nice. I LOVE THE BEACH. I hate it how its not summer anymore :( and non daylight savings, that pisses me off alot. You can't do anything of an afternoon after school cos its practically dark. But i have holidays now :) so i have all day to do whatever i want....man i love holidays. By the end of the term u get so over school and u need that break to just chill.
...till next time...
xoxo mon |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2006|05:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dani California-RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS | ] |
guess who decided to ring and apologise last night...yep thats right jerkface pete. Its a bit late now buddy...does he think that i'm gonna forgive him and be all like "i'm sorry too, i love you so much"...it was a very short convo which consisted of him saying "i'm really sorry blah blah blah" and me going "mmhmm whatever"...i dunno if i believe that he's sorry or not...i mean if he was really sorry wouldn't have he apologised 3 weeks ago...but as my sis says he is a guy so u never kno.
i asked heaps of people whether he was sincere or not.
....michael rekons that he left it for a while cos he knew how pissed off i was at him. but he also rekons that he really is sorry
....liz rekons that he's just trying to get in my good books again and that he might be sorry but she's not sure
....michelle rekons that he had another chick he was chasing but that fell through so he's trying to come back to me
....mum rekons that he was just bored and had nothing to do so he thought 'hmm i'll ring mon and apologise'
i really dunno. i've decided i'll ring him and make him tell me whats really going on. then i'll make a decision whether to forgive him or cut him out of my life completely. even if he really is sorry, everyone agrees that he will still hurt me again, and i dunno if he's worth it or not
xoxo mon |
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| Pfft...School |
[Apr. 6th, 2006|12:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | School | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | NONE :( | ] |
I'm in computers at this very time...arrgh so boring. I mean whats the point of knowing how to use a fucking spreadsheet....I hate computers and they hate me, so i guess it works out fine. I hate how the teacher just parades around trying to catch peoplem on hotmail and stuff.
arrgh i'm gonna get caught so i better jet
xoxo mon |
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| Falling Apart |
[Mar. 31st, 2006|09:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | what we become-KISSCHASY | ] |
I guess i was always expecting this to happen. Michael and Liz growing closer together while i grow farther apart. It makes sense i suppose. They are so alike and im so...i'm so different. I guess that there's just a point in life where you change and sometimes the direction you take and the direction ur friends take are completely different. I am heading in a totally different direction to them.
I don't even know when my relationship with my friends began to turn for the worst. I guess it started off gradually, so gradually i didn't notice, then it just happened so suddenly it caught me off guard.
Do these things fix themselves? or is this the end of a friendship.
I don't want it to be. But i'm so different to Michael and Liz. They're interested in the same things and their both choleric. While here i am a sanguine with none of the same friends and hardly any interests the same. Both Liz and Michael are smart and athletic. Better then me in every way possible. When i'm with them i feel so dumb, fat and lazy. Maybe its that i'm not good enough for them?
At the moment i feel so depressed.
xoxo mon |
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| Why Do I Bother? |
[Mar. 23rd, 2006|08:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  irritated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | O Yeah- END OF FASHION | ] |
I FUCKING HATE PETE!! yes u guessed it. he stood me up on Sunday. i don't know why i bother with him. he always upsets me and i keep running back to him...i know i should just forget about him but its alot harder then it sounds...I sent him like 3 msgs and rang him but there was no reply to anything. I hope he burns in hell.
I had a big cry on Sunday night...sometimes it just gets so much you have to let it all out. why does he keep doing this to me? what have i done to deserve this?
There's a funny side though. My sis sent him a text msg practically abusing him...i thought it was funny
I'm bored....petes an ass...me and my friends are cool now...i might go wakeboarding this weekend (HOPE SO)...fuck what is wrong with some ppl
oops sorry about that outburst...someones pissing me off at the moment
xoxo mon |
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| *WOOT WOOT* |
[Mar. 17th, 2006|08:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Save You-HOT ROD CIRCUIT | ] |
I'M GOING OUT WITH PETE ON SUNDAY!! omg i'm soo happy. I thought he'd never like me again, but i was wrong. He rang me the other night and we talked for like an hour and a half...it was such a good conversation. We were just talking about us hooking up and what we were gonna do on sunday. And the best part of it was when we were talking about me sneaking over to his house at like 11 then coming home at like 4 so no one ever has to kno...I asked him what he would do if i just turned up at his door and he was like "well first i'd probably tell you to go home so u don't get in trouble, but i rekon that i would let u in" and i was like "yeah i rekon i could persuade you to let me in". Then i told him that i'd sneak over in winter and keep him warm and he sed....ready get this..."yeah i'll hold you heaps close so u don't get cold" and at that moment, i just melted....ahhh pete...
I dunno what i'm gonna do with him on sunday. I was thinking the drive in but its closed for a private function or some shit. Maybe we might just go to the movies. i have like 6 hours to spend with him :) I can't wait, its gonna be so good. I dunno if anything will happen between us though, he sed that he wants to hook up with me and stuff but if he does he rekons that i'll like him heaps more and it'll be bad for me. I don't rekon because i can't like him much more than i already do. Just thinking about him puts a smile on my face :) I will shout it out and announce it to the world.... I LOVE PETE!!!
In other news, me and liz have kinda made up, things still aren't back to normal but they'll get there eventually. But i suppose in some warped way it was kinda beneficial for us to have a fight. It really opened my eyes to how what i did effected her, even though i didn't even know i was doing it.
Yeah so my life is AWESOME at the moment. The only thing that could make it better was if Kisschasy was touring in Newcastle.....lol...
Anyways i'm gonna go and enjoy this new found happiness :):):)
xoxo mon |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2006|06:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Overdose-KISSCHASY | ] |
Have you ever had one of your best friends hate you? let me tell you its not a good feeling. Liz is pissed off at me and has been for about a week or 2 now, and i only just found out why she is pissed off at me. She didn't tell me, i only found out because michael told me. Apparently she rekons that i don't invite her to do anything, i only invite michael. Yeah well that may be true, but only because everytime i ask her to so anything, she's always busy or not allowed. And i'm at that stage where i've just given up asking her because its always a "no i can't, i'm busy/not allowed".
Friendships suck.
Without my friends i'm nothing. They're all i have and now i have one less person. I may as well just end it all now. I even wrote her a really nice letter that told her how i felt, and how much i care about her, but did it make a difference...NO. Not only am i sad at the moment, i'm also pissed off because i also wrote michael a letter telling him how much he means to me and stuff. And then he told me this afternoon that liz read his letter and he read hers.....THEY WERE PRIVATE LETTERS....do they not care how i feel about them showing each other? They could have at least asked me if they could read each other's letters.
Now whenever i'm with Michael and Liz i feel like an outcast. They always sit together and talk and stuff and i'm just left to sit on the other side of Lydia, nowhere near my 2 best friends.
I HATE IT....i just want things to go back to how they used to be. We were all so close, but now they've gotten closer and i've just drifted apart from them.
I really wanna move. Just get away from here. Make new friends and start a new life. But its not that easy, my parents won't move and then i'd be away from my sister, my only true friend in this world. I guess i'm just gonna have to except the fact that i've lost one of my best friends and if i'm not careful i could lose the other one too.
xoxo mon |
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